The Science of Sleep

I drive a hard bargain. I don’t like overpaying for anything, and if the price is too high, I’m more than willing to walk away. But there is one thing I’ll pay for - a good night’s sleep. The Vietnamese have no objections to sleeping on mattresses that make concrete blocks look like plush goose-down. We, however, do. Aside from the persistent smog of car fumes, humid weather, and lack of cheese, my biggest beef with this place is the beds, and today, our aching backs drove us to the brink…

We ventured forth into the Old Quarter with a caravan of teachers, all with the same sole motive - a soft, foam top piece for our mattresses. We arrived at what can only be logically called Mattress Street - left and right, the whole street was lines with stores selling mattresses, box springs, and top foam. We went from store to store, in search of the softest, most luscious foam we could find, to no avail. Even their ‘mem’ (soft) foam was still pretty firm.

We were about to give up hope until David, one of the teachers, spotted this:


Soft, spongy, amazing foam - we were saved! We hurriedly called the saleslady over to ask about procurement, to which she promptly laughed in our faces. Her son came over to translate - “This foam is not for sleeping! It’s for - for - for (as he struggled for the word) FOR INSULATION! Yes, sound-proofing!”



But, being the boorish Americans we are, we just had to insist on spreading it out on the floor and giving it a whirl. I won’t get into details, but let’s just say that it was love at first lay! We took turns laying on it, all the while the whole store stood laughing at the dumb Americans. After bargaining the price down 100,000 per sheet (we were buying five!), we loaded up a taxi and headed home, our sore backs resting easily.

Until next time,
Mike